I Still Miss You
By Hawk Nelson
(Changes made in italics)

There she was, 5'7 a picture of my mother's mother
She showed me love, and all the ways of God
Her final days were spent in bed where she passed away
I won't forget her smiling face when she left us that night
But I still miss you

All the times we spent together
To hear you talk about the weather
I always prayed you'd get well soon
I wish my prayers came true
I know Jesus has the answer
And He's way bigger than the cancer in you
But I still miss you

If dreams came true,
just one more chance to talk to you
And thank you for the time you spent teaching me the truth
A girl back then, I've grown up, now I'm a woman
I can finally understand the things you said to me
But I still miss you

All the times we spent together
To hear you talk about the weather
I always prayed you'd get well soon
I wish my prayers came true
I know Jesus has the answer
And He's way bigger than the cancer in you
But I still miss you

I need some help to carry on
I need some strength to keep me strong...

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my grandma's death. The moment passed quietly as I stood in the mountains with my mom, grandpa, brother and uncle. It was one of her favorite places. The location of the photo above. It was a beautiful Colorado day with a slight breeze as we sat by the rushing Thompson River.

Pulling into the driveway Friday night and not seeing her sitting there or on her way out of the house was hard. Seeing reminders of her all over the house made it seem like she was simply out on an errand and would be returning soon. It was good to be there. To smell the familiar and see the familiar and to try and find ways to cope with the unimaginable.

In New Orleans I think of her often, but it's different because she was never here. We have no memories in this city. But going to Loveland, there are memories everywhere. The first Starbucks she took me to several years ago. The Grease Monkey, an auto body shop I clearly remember thinking was a restaurant. King Soopers, the drive to and from Fort Collins, the outlet mall, the old house by the new school, our "secret park," that has lost much of it's secret and the hospital where she died.

There is no avoiding the past when you're face to face with it. But it was good to be there. It was good to cry. It was good to be able to talk about her and remember her. That's what she would have wanted. It was good to be there with my own mother although as much as I miss Grandma, I cannot imagine what she feels. I cannot begin to fathom what losing my mother would be like or how I would cope with that. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and the past year has been filled with a lot of learning. It will never be easy to know that she isn't coming back but the memories will last a lifetime and her love will be felt throughout our family forever.

I love you Grandma, and I still miss you.